ADULT BRACES

I have an honest request. I spent so much of my life taking everything so seriously but it’s the opposite of joy to be serious all the time. So here it is. If you see me and I am talking with a lisp and you see my lips getting caught on my adult braces, please tease me. The adult braces are hilarious. I promise I will laugh with you. It will be so funny. 

I have always had straight-enough teeth to not need braces when I was younger but last year my dentist told me that since I brux my teeth so much all the livelong day, despite my use of a mouth guard at night, I would need braces. I was like, yeah OK. He was like, yeah OK but if you don’t get braces, you will grind your front teeth to nubbins and you won’t have any front teeth. Damn it. So I scheduled a consult with the orthodontist and then had my adult braces glued and lashed to my teeth.

I still can’t get over how archaic braces seem to be until I realized that it’s basically orthopedic work because teeth are skeleton. They are really weird, distracting and prohibitive. They are so many things and I have become obsessed with my adult braces. I can’t keep my tongue off them and they get caught on my lips and yes, I totally have a lisp. If I see you and know you and it’s been a while since we talked, I will lift my top lip and show you my adult braces in case you hadn’t noticed.  You will not care but I will tell you all about them, sorry ahead of time. 

I have begun to use my adult braces powers for good, as a way to be mindful in my day, perhaps inversely to the way I used to brux my teeth mindlessly. I now focus on them with a lot of attention to breathe and focus. Not just like a hair shirt used for prayer in olden times but maybe something maybe a little like it. Might as well get my money’s worth?

Do you watch the British Baking Show? If you do, you know that judge Prue Leith asks herself if a pastry or cake is worth the calories. I am not much into calorie counting, but the adult braces version I ask myself is: ” It worth the water pik.” Sometimes whatever it is really isn’t. It’s so gross. I eat a lot of toddler food but if you know me you know that’s not new.

I was at the dog park last week. This woman I had just met was talking trash and laughing about a character in a movie who had adult braces and laughed heartily. Before I knew what I did, I reached up and pulled back my top lip. This lady recoiled in shame because she didn’t know me well enough to enjoy the comedy, sadly. The takeaway is this. Let’s giggle about the things we endure in life because if we don’t we will be so sad and if we can be less sad, I think we should so come laugh at me with my braces.